Love Dance

Young women believe that men and women are equal and the same. That both men and women think alike. That what he does, she can do as well, whatever it is. That she should be as free with her body as he is with his. That his pleasures should be hers.

They want to believe that countless years shaping our genetic material and social interactions could be thrown out the window. That this generation is a special one. The whole of humanity finally evolved, and women can be free as birds, and have it all.

They are, somewhat, right. Women are free. They go to school, get diplomas, work and make their own money. They do not need a man to support them. They can choose if, and when, they want babies. No one to be bothered by. No one to take care of. No one to cook for. No one to clean after. No one to spend money on. No one to listen to. No one to take into consideration.

Then… no one to go on vacations with. No one to share stories of the day with. No one to cuddle close to. No one to watch these TV shows with. No one to wake up with. No one that cares. No one that will be there no matter what. No one that will give unconditional support. No one with whom to share the responsibilities of being a parent. No one with whom to split the bills. No one that will help with cleaning and cooking. No one to love. No one to be loved by.

Love… Love is slow to grow. Love is tender. Love is respect. Love is gentle. Love is sure. You do not question love. It is a wave that floods you, makes you smile, settles you. It is a security, a contentment. It is trust. It is protection. It is giving as much as receiving. It makes you glow. It makes you happy. With love in you, the rest matters little.

We crave love. With love we get romance, marriage, companionship. We are no longer alone facing the world. We can share our responsibilities, lighten our daily loads.

Why can’t young women find love?

It must be the guys. All relationships start well enough but are down the drain fast. Men are the problem. They refuse to commit. They disappear when they are needed. They prefer hanging out with their boys. They are users. They suck women dry. They are not to be trusted. They are liars. The men are the problem.

There is no way that young women could be the problem. No way that in their pursuit of equality above all else, they forgot what men are and how men think.

As their mothers, we tried to teach these young women, tell them, explain to them, warn them. We tried to pass down old wisdom. We were silenced by TV shows, movies, girlfriends, boyfriends, and social medias. Our daughters did not want to listen to us. Our knowledge was the boring, old, irrelevant way. They knew better, we knew nothing.

They knew better, and it does not work. Maybe, now, it is time for a refresher course on the differences between men and women. If all else fails, common sense and old knowledge may be just what is needed.

Before paternity tests, there was no certain way for a man to know that he was the father of a child. That fact alone may explain why it is so important for a man to trust and respect a woman before he can allow himself to love her.

A man loves the chase, the game, the win. There is nothing more gratifying for a man than to win the girl. A man will value more a hard to get woman.

Men judge and gossip between them. It is their way of gathering information on a potentially interesting woman. It is not a good idea for a woman to chain date men that know each other.  She is looking for love. The men will compare how long it took them to bed her.

An easy woman is nothing. She is fun sport, cheap, and easily forgotten.  

A man will encourage a woman to drink, knowing it will lower her inhibitions, then will be proud for getting some for cheap.

Men do not like sharing. The more partners a woman had, the lower on the man’s scale that woman will be.

Both men and women need to respect their partners for their feelings to grow. Be respectable and you will get respect. Demanding respect while your actions are questionable is useless.

If a woman is not interested, she should not accept an invitation from that man. No coffee. No happy hours. No dinner. Her acceptance to an invitation is a sign of interest in a man’s mind.

A woman that believes she can be as free as the men in her sexuality is deeply mistaken. The chemistries of the bodies are different. A woman will sleep with a man because she, at a bare minimum, likes him. A man will sleep with a woman because she is willing. The woman will cry, feeling used and rejected, wondering why he never called back. A man plays sports in that regard, scores, and brags.

As a rule, a woman wanting love and deep relationships should not go to bars on her own. Men in bars are there to drink and score. Should a woman drink too much one night at a bar and end up having a one-night stand with a stranger, she should not bother giving her name to that partner. He will forget hers quickly enough. She should in the future avoid that bar. She will have a reputation there. She will get a lot of “attention”. Love, she will never find.

A woman should never place herself in a potentially dangerous situation. A man, if he is aroused enough, can become dangerous. That man will get extremely angry if he feels that the woman played with him, promising more than what she was willing to give. A man is physically stronger than a woman. An angry man in a bedroom with a woman that “changed her mind” … is a disaster waiting to happen.

A man does not change. If a woman does not like what she sees and what she hears, she should move on.

A man aims to become the King of his castle. He is looking for his Queen.

A man will stay faithful to a woman he loves and respects. He will not want to lose her. An intelligent woman will give a man a lot to lose should he stray.

If she desires marriage, a woman needs to be marriage material. Women see marriage through rose colored romantic lenses. A man sees it as a business transaction. He will give his wife his name, money, protection, shelter, comfort and love. He is making a choice and promises his devotion to his wife and their children. He is looking closely as what he will get in return before making that commitment.

An old European saying goes like this: “A man wants a lady in public, a mother to his children, a chef in the kitchen, and a professional in the bedroom”. Women changed. Did men change as much?

Katrin L.