September 19, 2018
Middle Aged Women… Ageism and Sexism’s Silent Victims?
I see, here and there, articles about what clothing middle aged women should wear or not. Articles about haircuts that middle aged women should want. Articles about how ridiculous it is for middle aged women to use vocabulary that only younger women should know while pointing out that the use of older phrases shows that a woman is obviously middle aged.
The words I see in these articles are Dated, Grand Mother, Aged, Staying Relevant, Looking Modern.
What are these articles saying? That once we are a woman past forty-something, we become dated, grandmotherly, aged and irrelevant?
How am I supposed to take these articles?
Am I old technology to be called Dated? Do I need upgrades to stay Relevant?
I am a grandmother and love it! The day my grandson was born, a new little person came into my life. A little boy that I could simply love without the responsibilities associated with raising him. I can spoil him, play with him, cuddle with him, take care of him, and when it is too much, return him to his mother. It does not get any better than that! Did I say that I Love being a grandmother?
Looking Modern? That must be about fashion. Fashion is supposed to be fun. There’s nothing serious about it. I have enough to do in my life. Here and there I like to buy new clothes. But my tastes have changed and frankly, I am not in love with today’s fashion and have no interest in Looking Modern. Classic is better suited to my life now. Why am I supposed to even care that much about fashion?
Are these articles somewhat supposed to make me feel less, and make me feel bad about growing older? Getting wiser? Why should I?
If articles are not bad enough, what about the TV show “Younger”? A forty-something passing for a twenty-something in order to get a job, and then keep it. How wrong is, even, the idea of this show? It almost screams that, of course, as a woman in your forties, you better look young enough to lie about your age! And what a shame being a certain age is! If you do not look the part, disappear please. What, wrinkles on your forehead? You must have reached your expiration date!
I lost my job about a year ago, after the owner of the business passed away and the estate dissolved the company. I thought that with my experience and track record I would find a new one fast. It did not work out that way. The workplace is not interested in a middle aged woman seeking a managerial position. After reading about the importance of age-proofing a resume and tweaking that document, I only received responses to my applications when I omitted years of experience and responsibilities. I was contacted back for assistant positions. I was either ignored or politely rejected for Vice President roles.
I am not the only one in this situation. This PBS article is worth a read.
Aging brought me a new outlook on life. The bulk of my life is behind me and it has been pretty good. I enjoyed living it. But I am not dead yet. I am not senile yet. I still want to do things. I still want to work, learn and grow. I want to keep going and living. I am not young anymore, but I am not old either.
I have, in front of me, almost twenty years before I can pretend to collect social security benefits. But should I settle for an entry level position somewhere after having been at the top positions of some small businesses? Is my plight being a middle-age woman?
It almost makes sense. Growing up a Generation-X from Baby Boomer parents, when it was my time to start in the workplace, the jobs were taken by the Baby Boomers. And there were a lot of them! Today, the jobs are taken by new batches of fresh college graduates every year. They are cheap. You get three of them for one of me. And the companies’ health insurance premiums do not skyrocket out of view as their workforce ages. It is better for the profit margins to replace the fifty-somethings with plenty of twenty year olds. The sixty-somethings are almost at retirement age, so they will be gone soon enough. Pushing them out too hard could look like age discrimination and bring on lawsuits. But what can a fifty-year-old woman do? The men are left alone. After all, they need to support their wives that will be out of a job soon, and companies do need some experienced workers. Dare to admit it or not, the workplace is still a gentlemen’s club. The guys have each other’s backs.
Are the articles written about “middle-aged women” an attempt to silence them? As women of my generation are portrayed as clueless, incapable of dressing appropriately or using makeup relevantly, and aging quickly and badly, it gets easier for the rest of the population to dismiss us entirely.
What are we to do?
For some of us, we start companies on our own. It is no accident that the majority of small businesses opened every year are started by women in their late forties and early fifties. These women, if they want to keep on working, but are not willing to accept a very junior supporting role, are better off striking out on their own; if they can. It takes money to start a business. It can take spousal support to have the bills paid.
What about the others? They just accept the state of things. What else can they do? They keep on working and hoping for the best. They stress out as their jobs are threatened by new cheap hires they are asked to train. And they don’t matter. They are not old enough to have their rights protected. They are not young enough to accept gladly any basic job at any basic pay.
Baby boomers are keeping their jobs. Most of them cannot afford to retire yet. More and more of them will keep on working past their seventieth birthdays.
The thirty and twenty-somethings will keep the cost of labor down and the health insurance premiums at a more affordable rate. Every year, there is a new wave of workers available.
Something must give. Let’s attack that generation in between. And let’s attack the women of that generation. They have to go and leave room for the ones that came before, and the ones that are coming after. If they are not willing to go on their own, let’s push a little. Let’s write articles dismissing them. Let’s have TV shows demeaning them.
At the very bottom of it all, isn’t what is going on discrimination on a gender of a specific generation? Discrimination of women in their middle years?
Media loves to talk about discrimination! It is the Media’s bread and butter nowadays, isn’t it? How come there aren’t more articles about this subject matter? Could it be… no… that would be too awful to think… but could it be that the Media keeps very quiet about it because these young writers very much want these middle aged women out too?
Katrin L.
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